A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”. The child told […]
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?” “OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the […]
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through the […]
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I […]
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and […]
To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often: We will wake the kids – 54 times It’s too […]
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children […]
An old man is in the surgery, and he asks the doctor if there was any way he could find out if his wife was hard of hearing. The doctor replied, “If she won’t come in for a hearing test, you could try talking to her when you get home. If you get no response, […]
A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up. He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can’t tell which is which. He finally narrows it […]
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says, “Get gas and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. “Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier. “Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied. […]