There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender, “10 shots of whiskey”. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.” The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders […]
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, […]
A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder… I’ll sleep with you.” Guy says: “An alligator?” Woman says: “Close enough”
Police are called to a pedestrian struck by a train. The pedestrian’s body parts are strewn along the tracks for about a mile. The officers started to collect the parts in order to identify the deceased. Eventually the head was found in a ditch beside the rails. A policeman picks it up and walks into […]
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’ ‘No’, he replies, ‘I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I […]
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter… where did you get it?” “A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.” “Great, can I try it?” “Sure.” First guy rubs the […]
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. “Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. “Screw it,” he thought. […]
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, “You know, a pint goes […]
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard […]
A drunk walks into a bar, orders a glass of whisky, takes several gulps and… dies a sudden death. In Heaven he begs of God, “Please, bring me back to the bar for a moment. I just want to finish drinking. There is still half a glass of wisky left. You can even turn me […]