A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’ The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but […]
A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blonde behind him has just smiled “Hello” to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says… “Sorry… […]
A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blonde behind him has just smiled “Hello” to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says… “Sorry… […]
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman […]
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to […]
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super-size them.” And […]
Girl: “I’d like a triple vanilla ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup, nuts, whipped cream, topped off with a slice of cucumber.” Waiter: “Did I hear you right? Did ou say top it off with a slice of cucumber?” Girl: “Good heavens, you’re right! Forget the cucumber – I’m on a diet.”
By Victor Buono Lord, my soul is ripped with riot Incited by my wicked diet. “We are what we eat,” said a wise old man, Lord, if that’s true, I’m a garbage can. To rise on Judgment Day, it’s plain, With my present weight, I’ll need a crane. So grant me strength that I may […]
Lady to the doctor over the phone, “Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I can’t get into it.” Doctor: “Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to […]
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: No need to boil. Never goes sour. Available […]