There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “Attention all!!” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, “Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies, “I’m sorry I […]
The blind man was out walking with his Guide dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man’s leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog’s head. Having watched what happened, a passerby said, “Excuse me, why are you patting him? That dog just pissed on your leg!” […]
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a […]
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.” The cat says,”Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood […]
It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, “Where do pets come from?” And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. […]
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my […]
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went crazy. He […]
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her – how […]
So there was this horse and a chicken that lived on a farm. The horse and the chicken were in fact two very good friends. One day the horse fell into a mud hole that he could not get out of. The chicken saw this and said, “What should I do?”,”What should I do?”. and […]
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy”, is the mans’ response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”. An […]