No AIDS
A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. The girl asks, “You haven’t got AIDS, have you?” He replies, “No.” She responds, “Oh, thank heavens for that! I don’t want to get that again…!”
Boss Tells a Blonde Applicant…
A boss tells a blonde applicant, “I’ll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?” “After three months sir.”
Eve and Adam
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God… “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the […]
It’ll Cost You an Arm and a Leg
God says to Adam, “What would you like in a wife?” “Hmmm,” says Adam, “I’d like her to be the most beautiful creature in the world. I’d like her to do whatever I tell her to. I’d like he to work hard, be smart, enjoy being with me.” “Hmmmm”, God says, “I can do it, […]
10 Shots of Whiskey
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender, “10 shots of whiskey”. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.” The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders […]
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, […]
Ugly Woman
A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder… I’ll sleep with you.” Guy says: “An alligator?” Woman says: “Close enough”
Recognition
Police are called to a pedestrian struck by a train. The pedestrian’s body parts are strewn along the tracks for about a mile. The officers started to collect the parts in order to identify the deceased. Eventually the head was found in a ditch beside the rails. A policeman picks it up and walks into […]
Telepathic Watch
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’ ‘No’, he replies, ‘I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I […]
Bic Lighter
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says “Wow, cool lighter… where did you get it?” “A genie from a bottle granted me one wish.” “Great, can I try it?” “Sure.” First guy rubs the […]