A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his hand. The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied “They are brain pills…they make you smart.” The bartender says excitedly, “Give me one.” He snatches one from the drunks hand, and gulps it quickly down with water. In […]
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering and swearing very softly. The barkeeper approaches the customer and asks what the problem is. “Oh some son of a bitch snuck up behind me while I was at […]
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in July,” the friend continued, “My father died leaving me $50,000.” “Wow. Two […]
Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. “I’ve got a beaut cure for a headache,” said his mate Trev. “Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails.” A week went by and they were […]
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “Attention all!!” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, “Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies, “I’m sorry I […]
The blind man was out walking with his Guide dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man’s leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog’s head. Having watched what happened, a passerby said, “Excuse me, why are you patting him? That dog just pissed on your leg!” […]
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a […]
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.” The cat says,”Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood […]
It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, “Where do pets come from?” And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. […]
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my […]