A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced from ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how […]
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]
Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. “Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His partner replies “What are you worried about? We’re both here.”
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I’m Sparks, I’m an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said, “Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!”
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is […]
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an […]
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, “There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,” or “That’s Michael. He’s a doctor.” A small voice […]
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” “Yes,” the class said. The teacher asked, “Then why is […]
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of […]