A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got […]
Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a midsize car. The third […]
A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”. The child told […]
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?” “OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the […]
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife teed up and shanked it right through the […]
To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often: We will wake the kids – 54 times It’s too […]
A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up. He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can’t tell which is which. He finally narrows it […]
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says, “Get gas and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. “Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier. “Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied. […]
Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for […]
Mr. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another […]