A schoolboy was assigned an essay on childbirth and asked his parents “how was I born?” “Well son…” said the slightly prudish parent, “the stork brought you to us.” “OH,” said the boy. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “Well how were grandpa and grandma […]
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” David’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think […]
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it […]
Dirty Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him jerking off. He says, “Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby.” The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Pop. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out!” Five minutes later: “Da-aaad…” “What??” “I’m thirsty… Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you no! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!” Five minutes later: “Daaaa-aaaaad…” “What??!!” “When you come in to spank […]
Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second […]
A youngster is quarrelling with his parents: “I’m sick and tired of being with you all the time, coming home at the right time. I want freedom, beer, girls! I’m going away and don’t try to stop me!” He is decidedly going towards the door. His father is coming up with him at the doorway. […]
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, […]
A young mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you […]
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good […]